What Would I Do Without You?
by TCGeek
Summary: What would I do without you? is something that Derek and Angie would always ask each other through their sixty years of marriage. But with the events of one fateful night, one of them is forced to face that question head on. DerekxAngie Oneshot


Because I like you all, I won't lie. This is long. And sad.

In fact, VGCG (you know her as PreseatheKitsune) asked me for a fic that would quote: "make her cry", after she wrote me a sad/cute Derek and Angie story.

Now, I've never written anything with the sheer intent of provoking tears. (This is going to sound SO mean...) But, if you do actually cry or get close, let me know? I'm wondering if this is actually going to work..

ESPECIALLY because I cried writing this ENTIRE THING. THE WHOLE THING. Seriously, I feel like this story should be sponsored by Kleenex. I just want to know if i'm a really big sap, or if this is actually sad, thats all.

With that said, VG, this one's for you.

* * *

Time had passed. Faces had become weathered, full of wrinkles. The days of being a world renowned super surgeon were long gone, now memories, awards, and a feeling of success and worth in its place.

Children were now grown, the pitter-patter of feet in the house now belonging to grandchildren and a golden retriever named Colby that lived with the doctor and his wife. After 55 years of marriage, Derek and Angie Stiles' unparalleled lives were winding down, the only thing left to do was spend time with each other, and the dog they had grown to love so much. While their list of accomplishments was nearly a mile long, the one that was most important to them was the years they had spent together, still in love after all this time. The two of them created their own traditions and made them into daily routines, such as reading the morning paper together, going to church on Sundays, or sitting together on a swing on their porch, looking out over the mountains from their retirement home in Northridge – where Derek had grown up. Very few days Derek and Angie spent time away from one another, and because of that fact, they grew to know each other more than any two people could.

One sunny Thursday morning, Derek walked into his and Angie's kitchen to find her wrapped in her robe drinking coffee as she ate a bowl of cereal. She smiled at him upon his entrance, and like every day since the day they were married, he walked over to her, gave her a kiss on her lips, and told her good morning, before pouring himself a cup of coffee. Drifting off into fairy-tale land again, Derek stood at the counter, knowing he was missing something.

Without so much as lifting her head, Angie said, "I moved the sugar packets to the top shelf of the cupboard by the stove…", knowing exactly what he needed without him having to ask.

After finding them and beginning to drink his coffee, Derek set the mug down on the counter and walked out into the living room, looking back and forth.

"Your slippers are in our bedroom next to the dresser." she said, smiling as she watched him walk off immediately in search of them.

When he came back, now in his slippers and robe, he took a seat next to her and slipped an arm around her shoulders, pulling the love of his life close to him as he hugged her, kissing the top of her head as she giggled softly.

"I don't understand how you ALWAYS manage to lose your slippers… Thank God you have me here.." she said jokingly, an eyebrow raised at him.

"I don't either. I mean, seriously, what, would I do without you?" he asked, to which she shrugged, the two sharing a giggle before they kissed again.

That phrase became another one of their traditions, mostly because it really did seem as though Angie knew every step Derek was going to make, sometimes, even before he did. She was the screw that held his head on, and they both accepted this as fact.

Derek stood up and whistled, their dog Colby running to his feet. He sat down on the floor with the canine, petting her as the giant dog laid down next to him.

Out of the corner of his eye, Derek saw Angie rub her left arm with her right hand, holding onto the top of it as she rotated it around in its socket, as if trying to stretch it out.

"What's wrong with your arm?" he asked, standing up to examine it.

"Oh, its nothing – I just slept on it wrong…" she muttered, before turning back to the paper.

Derek paused for a moment, but walked from the room after Angie nodded reassuringly, changing into clothes, and grabbing Colby's leash.

"Do you want to come on a walk with us?" he asked Angie, who was still focused on her newspaper. She turned her wide green eyes up to look at him and smiled, sipping her coffee.

"No, that's okay – you two enjoy yourselves… don't be gone too long, okay?"

Derek chuckled. "I won't – without you with me, I'll probably end up getting lost in the woods or something…"

Angie raised an eyebrow. She would've laughed at the statement had she not been afraid it would actually come true.

"Oh, relax…" he said, walking back into the kitchen and kissing her on the forehead. "I love you, I'll be fine…"

"I love you too. Take your cell phone just in case?" she asked, to which he nodded and walked out of the kitchen, fastening the leash around the now jubilant dog's neck. As he opened the front door and went to reach for his cell on the front table, Colby jolted out the door, dragging Derek with her. He missed the cell and just barely pulled the door shut before taking off with their dog.

As soon as Angie heard the door shut, she walked over to their medicine cabinet and popped two Tylenol, trying to cure the aching pain in her arm, which by every minute seemed like it was getting worse. Just underneath the medicine cabinet on the counter laid her cell phone, still plugged into the charger, just like it had stayed overnight. She unplugged it and powered it on, sticking it in the front pocket of her robe as she walked towards the stairs. Coffee mug in hand, Angie's arm flared up in pain, causing her to drop the mug, where it shattered all over the ground.

Before she could do anything, an excruciating pain suddenly ripped through Angie's chest, bringing her instantly to her knees at its mercy. The pain radiating through her left arm, her breath remained stuck in her throat as she gasped to try to breathe through the pain, finding it impossible. Jaw clenched, Angie's top half toppled face first onto the ground, her head bouncing off the hardwood floor of the foyer. She wanted to scream for Derek, but found herself completely incapacitated as she laid there, tears rolling down her face, the accompanying sobs stuck in her chest. Reaching in her pocket, she wrestled out her cell phone and speed dialed Derek, knowing that she would be unable to speak, but through her terrified thoughts, she could think of nothing else. The phone shaking in her grasp, Angie knew she didn't have a lot of time left, as the pain began to overtake her completely. Hearing Derek's phone ring on the front table, Angie's hands clutched at her heart, one of them grasping the necklace he had given her on their first wedding anniversary. Holding the small heart pendant tightly in her fingers, she said a small prayer for Derek to walk in the door and save her as her body shook uncontrollably, shivering against the cold, wooden floor. Angie began to panic even more when the pain doubled in magnitude, the surroundings going black, though she knew she hadn't closed her eyes. Her celadon eyes widened as a hopeless sob finally forced its way loose…

…which coincidentally happened to be her last breath.

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Derek wasn't sure what to do with himself when he returned home from the hospital without Angie by his side. This had to be a bad dream… she couldn't be…

He stopped himself, refusing to let his mind finish that sentence. With every step Derek took, he paused for a few moments, eyes fixed at the ground as his mind tried to make sense of it all, so many emotions at the surface that he wasn't sure which one to pay attention to. Walking into the living room, Derek slowly sank down into Angie's favorite armchair, which still smelled of the vanilla scent he loved so much. His chocolate brown eyes shone with tears which he refused to let fall, as he stared out the window, hoping to wake up from what was his greatest nightmare.

Something in the back of his mind told him to wait. Not to panic, but to wait – that, she would be home. That she would walk in the front door and he would sweep her into his arms just like he did nearly every day for 55 years. She wasn't gone, it was just a mistake… a big, mistake.

A chill lanced through Derek's body as he remained curled up on the chair, his body now freezing, though it was summer outside. Planting his feet on the carpet, he stood up and looked around the room for his slippers, turning around in circles as he made a half-attempt to actually find them. It didn't matter, Angie knew where they were anyway, and any second, she would tell him their location and everything would be fine.

When instead of her soft, loving, voice he was answered with silence, a small part of Derek died inside, finally forced to realize that this was no mistake.

Beginning to panic, Derek's breaths became rapid and his chest ached, hyperventilation setting in as he walked back and forth quickly, his heart beating furiously.

"Where, are they…" he whispered, as he clutched his chest with his hands.

Tears stung at his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He had never cried harder in his life than when he found her lying unconscious on the floor, but that didn't matter now – he had cried for no reason, she was fine. She was coming back.

"My slippers… I-I, need… my, slippers…"

Voice growing louder as he turned around in circles frantically, sweat rolled down his wrinkled face but still, he held the tears back. Once they started to fall, he knew he couldn't stop them, and crying just made the situation all the more real.

"Angie, please… just, tell me where they are… Please… p-please, honey, I need them…"

Despite his best efforts, a tear slid down his cheek as Derek dropped to the floor right in the middle of the living room, trying with all his might to hold back the imminent sobs.

"No…" he muttered, his breath calming as he wiped the tear off of his face with the back of his hand. "I don't need them…"

Face still pressed against the Berber carpet, Derek looked up to see the moonlight illuminating a picture of himself and Angie, on the day their first baby was born. Studying it, the image suddenly blurred as his eyes welled up with tears again, still fighting to keep them in…

…until he heard a jingle in his pocket that made his curious.

Reaching a hand into his back pants pocket, Derek pulled out Angie's engagement ring and her wedding band, along with her heart necklace, which the hospital had given to him before he left.

It was in that moment as he laid on the floor studying the jewelry, he finally realized that those rings were the only part of her he could hold. Those pictures, the only part of her that he could see… and that pendant, the only heart of hers that he still possessed.

Angie was gone – the only woman he had ever loved, was dead, and he was here all alone… forever.

Once the first sob broke through the air, the only sound heard in the house the rest of the night was Derek hopelessly wailing all by himself, still lying on the living room floor as he grasped tightly onto the only part of Angie he had left.

It had finally sunken in.

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The night after her death, longing for some sort of comfort, Derek paced around the empty house looking for the dog. His bare feet padded against the wood floor as he maneuvered through the darkness, discovering Colby only when he almost stepped on her. Flicking on the lamp in the hallway, he found the golden retriever lying in the exact spot that Derek had found Angie the night before, lying motionless.

"Come on, Colby…" he muttered. "Let's go outside.."

The dog turned her brown eyes up towards him, but didn't budge.

"How about a treat?" he asked, which would normally get Colby to her feet, but still – no movement came from the canine.

Derek was losing his patience quickly, but was brought back down to earth when she started to gently whimper, turning her head towards the door and then back to Derek, before she rested it back on the wood floor. A blanket slung over the chair in that same foyer, Derek grabbed it and turned off the lamp in the hall, lying down on the floor as he pet his dog, before beginning to weep until he slipped intounconsciousness once again.

-------------------

He had been there for the first day of Angie's showing, but Derek didn't stay more than twenty minutes, unable to bring himself to admit that she was gone. Instead, he returned home alone, sitting in the same swing that he and Angie sat in many nights and watched the sunset. Wrapped in her favorite blanket, Derek shed no tears as night after night, he watched the sun set over the mountains, doing everything in his power not to let his thoughts stray to her. Many times, he whistled for his only companion, Colby, but she never came to him – still lying on the foyer floor, from which she had only moved a handful of times when absolutely necessary.

The morning of Angie's funeral, hers and Derek's three children came to the house early in the morning, trying to get their father to go and say his last goodbyes to the woman he loved. The only thing that he could say to them was that he wasn't going to watch them lower her into the ground unless he was at her side – that because of that, it was better he didn't go. As they finally gave up and left to go to the funeral, Derek sat on the swing, allowing the soft summer breeze to sway him back and forth.

The sun was rising again over the mountains, casting a rich hue of oranges, yellows, and reds over the peaks and valleys. Positive for most of his life that every time he was sad, it would rain like never before, he was confused as not a single cloud graced the sky. Instead, it was one of the most beautiful mornings he had ever seen.

Why was the sun rising… why, was the world still continuing on, when his had come to a screeching halt? Why were the birds chirping, why, was there happiness…? Why was there another day… Why hadn't he gotten to her in time, or taken his cell phone with him…

Most importantly… why wasn't she here with him, in his arms, where she belonged? She didn't belong up in Heaven - she was supposed to be with him, for being with her so long had made him realize he didn't know how to live life unless she was right beside him.

Unable to stand the fact that the body of his only love was being lowered into the ground at that very moment, Derek stood from the swing and paced back into the kitchen slowly, his body dragging. Instead of seeing Angie perched on her favorite stool like he did every single morning for almost the entire time they were married, he walked into desolation, just like he did in every other room of the house. The silence was slowly driving him crazy as he pulled out the stool and sat on it, thoughts racing about her, and about their life, his future, and the fact that he still blamed himself for her death.

Moving back over to her stool, Derek pulled the rings and the necklace out of his pocket again, carrying them with him ever since she had died. He closed the pieces of jewelry up in his fist and laid his head down on the counter, which was how his children found him, sleeping, later that night.

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Weeks had passed. Though he had heard of the phrase "Time heals all wounds..", Derek didn't believe it for a second, still a mess without Angie by his side. He hadn't left the house since that day, and one afternoon when he realized that being in the house was driving him mad, Derek decided to take a walk.

It was still summer and the weather was beautiful, this particular day boasting a cool breeze to go along with the horrid drought the Angeles Bay area had been facing. It had not rained since a few days before Angie passed away, which was now more than a few weeks past. Every single day, Derek had woken up to sunshine, the rays mocking him as he wished for rain. It always had this way of calming his soul, and because it had not rained, the surrounding area as dry as Derek's eyes.

Hands in his pockets, Derek Stiles walked slowly down the streets of the town of Northridge, gaze averted towards the ground as he shuffled on, expression hardened and full of desolation. Coincidentally, the only time Derek had raised his head was the moment he had stopped in front of a flower shop, noticing a bouquet of the most beautiful pink roses he had ever seen. Lifting them from their holder, Derek smelled them and immediately thought of Angie, knowing that she would've found them to be gorgeous. Shakily pulling his wallet out of his back pocket, Derek paid the man who had grown them himself, and walked with the bouquet down the street.

Trudging up a hill with freshly cut green grass, flowers in hand, Derek stopped for a moment before clutching the flowers to his chest, his other hand fingering her rings and necklace in his pocket.

The sun was now setting over the horizon, and Derek noticed that what little rays of sun remained, were now brightly illuminating the lettering on Angie's gravestone.

He had not visited her once since her death. Saying goodbye was the last step before he would have to move on with his life, and unwilling to do so, he made sure to stay far away. But he was here now, and glad he came.

Kneeling down in front of the big stone on the crisp, green grass, Derek inhaled deeply as he looked around the cemetery, noting how peaceful he felt as he let the breeze sweep through his greyed hair.

Shaking slightly, he reached his left hand out in front of him and gently traced the letters of her name, pausing on the "Stiles" as he cracked a small smile. She had been a Stiles.

He bowed his head.

"Hi, Angie…" he started, fumbling with the rings in his pocket as he searched for words to say.

"I'm sorry, that I didn't come to visit you earlier, or, even come to your funeral… I don't want you to think that I didn't want to say goodbye, or that I didn't love you… but, I just couldn't…"

The leaves of the nearby tree rustled as the wind softly whipped through them.

"Oh…" he continued, looking at the flowers. "I saw these and thought of you… I knew that if you were here to see them, that you would love them… so, I bought them for you, even though you'll never know.."

He set the bouquet down just in front of the stone, taking special care not to cover it up.

Sitting back on his butt from his crouching position, Derek crossed his legs and sat silently for a few minutes, thinking of what to say.

"I know you would laugh to hear that after these past few weeks, I still haven't found my slippers…"

He chuckled as he clasped his hands in front of him and set them gently in his lap, feeling a sting of tears coming on, but refusing to let them fall, once again.

"It still hasn't rained yet either… I remember you told me once that rain was perfect for crying, because it was like the world was crying with you… that, it understood your pain…"

He paused. "But, apparently it doesn't understand me, because it hasn't rained a single drop since you left… maybe that's because I haven't cried either… or that I haven't really told you the truth.."

Derek inhaled slowly…

"Angie… I… miss you, so.. much.. I mean, I never really realized how much I needed you until I turn around and suddenly, you're not there anymore…"

He paused, waiting for words of comfort, but continued on as he knew there would be none.

"I know it sounds stupid, but I've been waiting for you to come back… for this, to just be a dream. I mean, until right now, I haven't even admitted out loud that you're gone…" he said, shaking his head slowly as the tears started to build up faster than he could suppress them, falling down his face for the first time in weeks.

"A-Angie…" he sobbed, lying down on her grave as he grasped her rings in his hands. "I-I can't, do.. .this, without, you.. Angie, I can't!"

Derek pulled off his glasses and placed them on the headstone, wiping his eyes with his hands, still sobbing loudly.

"I-I, know, that we.. used, to joke…" he started, sniffling between words as he tried to catch his breath long enough to speak. "We… used to, j-joke, abo-about, what, I… would do… without you!" he spurted out, still lying curled up on the grass as he spoke to her, unsure if she could hear him. Taking a few breaths in, he was able to calm himself enough to talk, but the tears remained as rapidly falling as ever.

"I know, that it was a j-joke, then… but, I really don't know what to do, Angie! I don't!... You've been by my side, for… _fifty-five_ years… constantly with me and loving me… and suddenly you left and now I don't know what to do with m-m-myself!"

Other people passing by in the cemetery could do nothing but cast a sympathetic glance Derek's way, as the old man laid huddled next to the only part of his wife that he had left, crying all by himself.

For a good five minute span, Derek spoke no words, letting his anguished sobs say all the words he needed to say. Finally he had let all of his feelings out, allowing himself to mourn the love of his life. Scared to do it before because it would mean admitting that she was never coming back, Derek cried and cried, tears dampening his shirt and the blades of grass which stuck up from the freshly planted dirt. After a few moments, he was able to sit up and wipe his eyes, somehow feeling comforted by allowing himself to admit that he missed her, though no words could ever explain how much.

Derek touched the stone again, taking a deep breath to prepare himself for what was going to be the hardest thing he would ever have to do in his life.

"Angie… you are, my first, and only love… the mother, of three of the greatest children I ever could've asked to have. You were, the best grandmother I've ever known, and possessed the biggest heart and loving personality that I think anyone could ever have…"

"You, made my every day brighter. Your smile was my lifejacket, and on many occasions, it pulled me out of my darkest times when you would flash it and kiss me… Literally, the weight of the world would melt away…"

"I guess what I'm trying to get at, is to say thank you, and sorry… I'm sorry that I failed you in the end, that, I had to go for that walk, that, I didn't take my phone when you asked me to… Maybe you might still be here if I had, but its thoughts like that which beat me up, so I try not to think about it too much…"

He sighed.

"And thank you, for loving me. I never thought you would…" he started, tears falling once again. "You made my life more wonderful than I ever could've hoped for it to be, and I-I can only hope…"

Derek paused, looking towards the sky as he sniffled back his tears.

"…that I did the same for you…"

Swirling around him, the breeze gently brushed his cheek and swept across his lips, sending a chill through Derek's body. His mind instantly painted a portrait of Angie, and how her hands used to gently brush his cheek when she held his face, right before she kissed him. Though it sounded crazy, Derek began to cry again, swearing that she had heard him, and that was his kiss goodbye…

Allowing himself to calm again, Derek planted a small kiss on the headstone before sitting back onto his legs, smiling.

"You know, I was planning to tell you one day, but I never got around to it…" he started, fingers brushing against his lips as he still shivered from the previous moment. "I always meant to tell you, that when I told you there was nobody in my life but you, I meant it… I guess feeling like you just kissed me reminded me to tell you, that you were the only woman I ever kissed in my whole lifetime…"

He rose to his feet shakily, staring down at her grave as he bent over, repositioning the flowers gently.

"I know I may be a loser for that, but it makes me happy to know that you hold each and every part of me I had to give… and even though you're gone…" he trailed off, beginning to sob softly, bringing up a hand to wipe the tears away as he smiled, playing with her jewelry in his pocket.

"…not a minute will go by when I won't miss you and wish you were here…"

Derek sighed, looking up to the heavens as tears slid down his face, finally able to get closure as he whispered his last words to the woman he had loved for nearly his whole life.

"…I love you, and… Goodbye, Angie – wait for me…"

The wind blew through his hair again as he walked down the hill slowly, still unable to stop himself from crying. Derek didn't find himself caring much either, for he decided that a woman as special as she was to him deserved all the tears in the world upon her passing…

Returning to their home, Derek quietly stepped inside, where he found that for the first time in weeks, Colby was not lying in the foyer, but in her dog bed in the living room, looking happy as ever when Derek walked through the door.

Ascending the stairs, Derek entered his bedroom and walked over to the bed as he pulled the blankets back, exposing the crisp white mattress cover. As he pulled it down the mattress, his foot struck something soft positioned under the bed. Curious, he knelt down on the floor and lifted the dust ruffle to find his slippers, finally, after weeks.

Looking up towards the sky, he had a feeling that Angie had done that, smiling as his eyes rimmed with tears – and for once, not afraid to let them fall.

Rising to his feet, Derek climbed into bed and pulled his blankets over him, letting out a deep sigh as he closed his eyes, and drifted fast asleep. He finally had his closure, had said his goodbye, and felt better, knowing that for the rest of time, she would follow him everywhere he went, in the one place she would never leave.

His heart.

In the middle of the night, the heart that held Angie's memories stopped beating peacefully, leaving the soul of its owner to reunite with his one love, where they would remain together for all eternity.

And mere moments after the last of the breath expelled itself from his mouth, it began to pour outside, raining until the day that Derek Stiles was laid to rest next to his wife, finally at peace.

* * *

Gosh this makes me want to cry again just having to proofread it. I must be a big hormonal mess, or something...

Anyway - I hope you liked this, please review!


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